I

I is for invisible.
We move next week! So there's that and that is exciting. And in the excitement our neighbour of over 40 years brought over some pictures of our parents from back in their pre - children days.
The force of the memories that came back were astounding. I have only had one other time where that has happened. A visceral reaction to something that took me back. It took me back to the first conscious time I can recall being sexualized by a man. I was young. Really young. I remember the pornography, I remember the leering, the struggle in my self of what to think about this trusted man and the way he looked at me.
What does that have to do with invisible? 30 plus years later and do you know whatbi want to do with this overwhelming flood of feeling? I want to be invisible. I dont want anyone to look at me. Its 32 degrees outside last i checked and im in pants and a sweater. Im anxiously aware that at some point in time I am going to have to leave this house. And I cant. I can't carry another box down the lane way to the shipping container. I dont want to be seen.
I want to be invisible.